"Congratulations! Here's your baby. Enjoy your two weeks off."
These words were never actually said to me, but they outlined a basic truth I had to face after the birth of our baby boy back in 2022.
Now, before we really get into this, I want to make one thing clear: I know UK maternity and paternity leave/rights/pay are better than in A LOT of other countries.
But just because someone else is in a shitter situation than you, it doesn't mean you should just put up and shut up when it comes to your own.
Also, I'm no expert in employment law or parental rights, so definitely DO NOT take any of this as advice. Which of course you wouldn't, because this is quite clearly Not Parenting Advice.
This is just a story (which happens to be true) that you might find interesting/ useful/ enlightening/ mildly irritating.
Strap yourselves in.
First off, I'm a teacher.
Have been since 2013.
Mostly in UK secondary schools.
December 2021: after a very tough couple of years, we find out we're pregnant.
Buzzing!
We share the news with friends and family, we start window-shopping for all the stuff we think a baby needs (turns out they need a lot less than we thought - more on that in another post), and we have a bloody lovely Christmas.
January 2022: I put in my request for paternity leave.
I can take my leave at any point before October, so I decide to take the last 2 weeks of September.
Baby T is due start of August, so I'll get a few weeks at home during the school Summer holidays, then just have a couple of weeks back at work before I get to stay home and change nappies/ bond with my my child/ let Mrs T take a nap.
February 2022: commuting up the M1 at 7.00am, I realise this isn't a very family-friendly lifestyle.
I start looking for new jobs closer to home.
Later in February 2022: I see a job advert for a role at a school so close I could walk to work.
I get the job.
I'm bloody ecstatic.
I start in September.
Just 5 more months of M1 commutes.
May 2022: Mrs T is 6 months pregnant and still looks spectacular.
We're chatting about how much nicer our lives will be when I start my new job.
We realise I'll lose out on paternity leave because I won't fulfil the criteria.
You have to have worked for your employer for "at least 26 weeks as of the 15th week before the due date".
Gutted.
Silver lining: because baby T is due at the start of August, at least I'll have the Summer hols at home.
Late July, 2022: our little boy arrives safely. We're utterly in love.
I now know what Ryan Reynolds meant when he said he'd use his wife as a human shield to protect his new born baby.
Hopefully it doesn't come to that.
The early months of parenthood: hardest and best thing I've ever done.
We found it tough. Really, really tough some days.
We asked for help, and our wonderful friends and family came to our rescue every time we needed it.
But it was also brilliant. And it's mostly the brilliant bits that I remember now.
And 18 months down the line, we have a healthy, happy, noisy, curious, unpredictable toddler tearing about the house.
I still feel a bit short-changed, though.
It doesn't seem right to me that just because I changed jobs, I no longer qualified for paternity rights.
Yes, I was lucky that I had some holiday time that coincided with our baby's birth, but I can't help feeling like those 2 weeks were ripped away from me and my family.
Because, more than anything, what do most of us want more of?
Time, right?
I hope paternity and maternity rights in the UK get better soon, and families are allowed to share in more of those precious early days (without financial hardship).
Because this is Not Parenting Advice, you know you won't get advice here.
But if you decide you do want some advice on your rights, there are some great organisations out there. A couple that I know of:
teachersspl.co.uk - for teachers in particular
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