No such thing, mate.
If you’ve ever seen a baby in the full throes of being a baby, you’ll know what I mean.
Listen, I’m not saying you shouldn’t do things to make your home safer for your little bundle of chaos - I’m just saying those little bundles are so good at thinking outside the box, they’ll come up with workarounds your stupid fully-developed adult brain could never even conceive.
Oh hey Dad! I see you’ve put those annoying little plastic thingies on the kitchen cupboards. Clever. BRB just gonna go throw the baby monitor at the TV.
And what’s that, you say? You’ve moved absolutely every potentially hazardous item in the house onto that one high-up shelf in the living room? Guess I’ll have to pile up the sofa cushions and climb up to get them when you glance at your phone for three seconds.
If you’re a parent, a soon-to-be parent or a hope-to-be-parent, then know this: some people are desperate to give you their advice on how to do parent-y stuff like baby-proofing - some clever folk will even be convincing enough to make you part with your hard-earned cash to hear all about their secrets.
And if doing that will help you feel prepared or help you sleep a little easier, then absolutely go for it.
The reality, though?
You can’t make your home baby-proof.
And actually, do you really want to?
I mean, yeah, defo keep your kitchen knives where tiny hands can’t reach them - but is “proofing” the right way to think about it?
You wear a waterproof to repel the rain and keep you dry. And you (probably?) don’t want your home to repel your kid, right?
Personally, I rather enjoy watching our little guy open a kitchen cupboard, take out a tin of red lentils and hand it to me expectantly (before immediately mugging me off to do something important like throw a lunchbox lid in the dog’s water bowl).
No doubt, your home should be a safe space for your little ones (and for you, of course). But try not to stress about every potentially harmful object in your house - you’ll end up losing even more precious sleep.
Just keep an eye on them (two eyes, if you can), and try to grab the baby monitor before your kid launches it at the TV.
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